By the time I reached the last line, I could barely see through my tears.
Leo
was sitting in front of me, completely motionless.
"Is that my mother?" he whispered.
I looked at Johnson.
“How much did you know?”
“He came to see me the night before he left,” she said. “He showed me a letter from his doctor. It said the cancer had already spread.”
"Did you know that 18 years ago?"
“I knew she was sick. I didn’t know exactly what happened after she left.”
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“Did he never contact you again?”
“He wouldn’t even tell me where he was going. He just made me promise to give you the letter and to always keep an eye on his son.”
“You saw me hate her.”
Johnson's face fell.
“I watched you raise Leo, and every year I wondered if keeping my promise had been a mistake.”
I felt devastated when I realized that the answers to all my questions had been both so close and so far away.
Johnson
continued, “I stayed close because I loved Leo, but also because I felt guilty. I thought helping you was the only way to make up for my silence.”
“What right do you two have to decide what I can endure?”
—Nothing—he said. —I had no right.
Leo finally spoke.
"So he left right after I was born? Did he even know my name?"
The question left us speechless.
Announcement
—Yes—I said—. She chose it with me.
"Did he ever hug me?"
I remembered Goldi standing next to her crib in the dark.
“Yes. When you were born, she held you in her arms.”
"So he didn't leave because I have Down syndrome?"
“No. I thought about it too, but no.”
My voice broke.
“She was right. I would have dedicated all my time to trying to save her and I wouldn’t have known how to combine that with taking care of you.”
Announcement:
Her eyes filled with tears.
"Would you have liked him to stay?"
“I think we both would have done it.”
"So why didn't he let you choose?"
